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Culture Dump: What Elements Does a Show Need to Become Your Next Telly Addiction?

9/29/2017

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Game of Thrones will soon be dead. Proper dead. Deader than one of its beardy warriors or scantily clad ladies or grubby looking extras that met the fiery end of a pissed off dragon and its obliviously incestuous Queen. Winter has come and will soon be gone, leaving a massive hole in our telly social lives that not even an ice giant can fill. In short: we’ll all soon be in need a new TV show to watch. 

This isn’t the first time this has happened though. Remember how we all scrabbled around when Breaking Bad took a bow in 2013? Or what about when Mad Men smoked its last cigarette a couple of years back? The shows that become everyone’s new favourite shows never start off that way. They need precious time to attract the attention of a few telly-hipsters and build up a word-of-mouth rep. Considering that, it’s a very real possibility that the show you’ll soon be trying your hardest to avoid spoilers from is probably already on the air. How can you spot it? Well there are a few things to look out for….

First off, the shows everyone ends up obsessing over need a devilishly taboo hook. Whether it’s a high school teacher shooting people in the face to ensure the survival of his meth empire or a mystical realm full of dragons and tits, every hit TV show needs a rebellious streak. Then there’s the unnecessary obsession with sex, the more depraved the better. You know what we mean: You’re watching what on the surface is a perfectly harmless dialogue scene - but both parties are completely naked for some reason and an extra in the background is wanking into a flannel. Sex sells - even if it has absolutely nothing to do with plot, character development or taste.

Thirdly, any show worth its weight in sofa snacks needs someone for us to all hate. Some absolute shit-prick that allows us to all do what we do best: come together on Twitter and direct the entirety of our united venom at the poor actor that had to play that role. There’s a reason why Jack Gleeson said he probably wouldn’t act again after playing royal bell-end Joffrey in Game of Thrones. We armchair aficionados live vicariously through characters on screen and the need to drain ourselves from the pure hatred we feel on a weekly basis must be serviced. Watching someone with someone detestable in it? Hot dog! You may be onto a winner. 

And finally, the next big show needs incredibly long waits between series. If you’re watching something right now that seems to know where it’s going, ditch it. All the best shows have absolutely zero direction or plans currently in the bag. This makes us cherish each new episode when it finally arrives and ensures we’re just as surprised as the writers are when watching its plot unfold. Because if there’s one thing a show lives or dies on, it’s that panicked feeling of realising it’s a sleeper success. 

Have you found everyone's new favourite show? Let me know in the comments below!
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Culture Dump: What Does It Take To Get You Into A Cinema?

9/24/2017

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Netflix, Amazon Prime, countless streaming platforms showcasing the very best telly... remind us again why we ever need to leave our sofa in search of quality content? Today’s well futuristic technology has made the idea of getting up off our bums and going to the cinema seem a little like a lot of hard work. Especially considering how easy it is to find some just-released movies on shady streaming sites, if you were so inclined. However if the novelty-clown-shoe-sized-success of Andy Muschietti’s IT is anything to go by, it’s clear that audiences can still be convinced to make the trek to cinemas. The question is: what exactly does a film or a cinema have to do to lure back its once-loyal punters? 

Could it be IMAX? The mega-screen cinema experience literally fills your peepers with movie-goodness and certainly appeals to some cinephiles - but it’s not perfect. At best it improves movies specifically designed for the format while at worst it makes even the most simple scenes dizzying. What about Gallery screenings? With better seats, free drinks and refillable food, this VIP option adds a much needed layer of comfort to the cinema experience. Although all those added extras in the lobby result in a lot of mid-film movement and if there’s one thing every film fan can agree on, it’s their hatred of noisy members of the general public. 

While the answer to this quandary may be unclear, one thing that audiences definitely don’t want are gimmicks. Moving chairs? Bubbles? Aromas blown in their face? No thanks. 4DX screenings couldn’t be more of a last grab attempt at getting folks back to the flicks. Even digital 3D is starting to seem less appealing and more headache inducing. Post-screening talent Q&As definitely do the trick but with only a handful of regional cinemas programming such events, they’re far from a permanent fix. 

To find the answer maybe we have to trace things back to the reason fans watch films in the first place - the content. Whether you loved IT or hated IT, you can’t deny the fact it was a strong story propelled by a devilishly compelling hook and set in a rich world of supporting characters. Perhaps that’s the key to keeping audiences coming back. It can sort of be summed up by paraphrasing Jim Morrison's advice to Wayne in Wayne’s World 2 - Build a weighty, captivating world and the audience will come... even if it means leaving their treasured sofa butt-grooves.

This blog is now on Nerdly.co.uk. Take a look here!

What does it take to get you into a cinema? Let me know in the comments below! 
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Culture Dump: Beyond The Great - Is Jim Carrey Kaufman-ing us?

9/17/2017

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Andy did you hear about this one? The one where megastar comedian Jim Carrey appeared at New York Fashion Week and raised eyebrows during an out-there stint on the red carpet? No, it wasn’t due to his Grizzly Adams style beard (He ditched that a few weeks ago) and nope, he didn’t bend over and talk through his bum cheeks, Ace Ventura-style. Although, talking was to blame for all the news stories that popped up this week in the wake of his bizarre antics.

“There’s no meaning to any of this,” he tells E! News reporter Catt Sadler, once he’s stopped circling her. He glances distractedly into the distance, then continues, “I believe we are a field of energy dancing for itself. We don’t matter,” he says, “that’s the good news.” The whole interview was strange. Strange but not entirely unexpected. Especially if you’ve been paying attention to Carrey in recent years. If you haven’t, here’s a quick refresher: It started with talk of introspection and enlightenment at public events a few years back. Then he grew a massive beard, something which shouldn’t be weird but in today’s easily freaked out society, was instantly deemed to be pretty weird. 

Then things took a darker turn. An ex took her own life and her grieving family appeared convinced that Carrey influenced her decision making towards the end. Whilst quietly dealing with the legal proceedings he shied away from the limelight, shunning movies and instead focusing on painting and himself. Carrey’s recent red-carpet shenanigans mark his first major return to the limelight since the release of 2014’s Dumb and Dumber To. 

Which brings us to a crucial point - the reason we’re talking about Jim Carrey at all lately is because he’s promoting a new documentary, one with a right mouthful of a title. Andy and Jim: The Great Beyond - With a Very Special, Contractually Obliged Mention of Tony Clifton looks at Carrey’s ultra-method experiences bringing Andy Kaufman back to life for 1999’s Man on the Moon. As a comedian shrouded in a mist of ‘Is it real? Is it fake?’ controversy, what better way to promote a documentary about Kaufman than by blurring the lines and making audiences question whether the focal point of the feature is indeed losing it or just playing a character. 

Kaufman was the master of keeping audiences in the palm of his hand and with the help of Carrey, he’s still doing it over thirty years later. Or maybe not - perhaps the boundless trappings of fame and fortune have truly made Carrey crave some higher purpose in life, resulting in the unusual behaviour we’ve seen lately. It’s believable enough. Where do you go once you’ve reached the top, peeked behind the curtain and still find yourself unhappy? Right now, Jim Carrey may only exist as an existential notion but hopefully he won’t be gone for long. In the meantime, the spirit of Andy Kaufman appears very much alive and well. 

This blog is now on Nerdly.co.uk. Take a look here!

What do you think Jim Carrey is up to? Let me know in the comments below!
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Some Words:Gigs

9/12/2017

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I’ve recently moved flat, which means there’s stuff everywhere. Literally, all over the place. Stuff like my guitar. Seeing it lying about makes me feel like I should probably pay it a little more attention. I first picked up the guitar on a bit of whim back in college. Me and a couple of friends had somehow managed to get access to an empty practice room, complete with drum kit, guitar amps and any number of musical instruments that I hadn’t the first clue how to play. Over the course of a few weeks we sloppily banged out a handful of pop-punk covers. You know the type: Blink 182, Green Day - if it involved repeating the same three chords, we were all over it. 

This was mainly due to necessity. With no lessons my skills were limited to say the least, but it was fun smashing out hard and fast covers of our favourite tracks in an empty music room after college. Fun and pressure free - There was no expectation or emphasis on skill, just three mates making a loud noise somewhere they weren’t suppose to be. So naturally we formed a band almost immediately and made the whole thing way more stressful than it should have been. 

Pretty quickly things changed. Those noise sessions become 'practices' and despite my best efforts, our band’s name started to appear on bills in Blackpool venues. This was a little disconcerting considering I only knew about five chords but it didn’t stop us from stumbling through a few live shows. In hindsight, it was a weird couple of years. My time in a band was short lived but looking back a few things stand out. 

For starters you learn pretty quickly that contrary to what you think, you absolutely can’t play a gig drunk. When we started out playing cricket clubs and old man pubs around town, our pre-show warm up was a bottle of Spar’s finest Pearly Bay wine and a few beers. It made our shows pretty special, just not for the reasons we were intending. You also discover that guitar strings can, and definitely will, snap halfway through the first song of your set and if you don’t have a spare guitar, you’re pretty screwed. Honestly. One time I tried humming the chords instead and I think people noticed. 

Also, if you have to re-adjust the height of a mic stand when following another band, make sure you do it carefully. You’d be surprised how ear-piercing the reverb can be after you’ve forcibly bonked yourself in the face with a live mic whilst trying to make the stand a little taller. That shit echoes. 

All in all, I probably have more cringey gig stories like this than actually successful ones but it’s proof that if you put your mind to it, you can do pretty much anything. Even if it’s a terrible idea, you’re often drunk and you’re devoid of any of the skills necessary to do that particular thing. 

Were you ever in an embarrassing band? Let me know in the comments below!
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Culture Dump: Is Disney trying to Direct its Star Wars Directors?

9/9/2017

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Feel that? There’s been a disturbance in the force… Earlier this week Director Colin Trevorrow parted ways with 2019’s Star Wars: Episode XI just months before the debut of Rian Johnson’s eagerly anticipated The Force Awakens follow up, The Last Jedi. According to Disney’s official statement, ‘differing visions’ were to blame for the apparent ‘mutual’ parting, however exactly what the nitty-gritty details were that caused the Director and studio to butt-heads remain a mystery… for now at least.

One thing we do know? Trevorrow’s departure marks the third time Disney and Lucasfilm have ditched a director whilst they’ve been deep in production. Fantastic Four’s Josh Trank was the first to go. The studio giant announced his departure from a (still) mysteriously unnamed Star Wars spin-off shortly after he dropped out of a Star Wars Celebration panel at the eleventh hour, despite clocking up a year of prep work. Then earlier this year, Jump Street duo Chris Lord and Phil Miller were shown the blast doors while more than half-way through shooting their young Han Solo movie, with Ron Howard quickly installed to take their place. Clearly, these weren’t the directors the studio were looking for.

It makes you think: Do Disney and Lucasfilm really want these young filmmaking rebels to shape their coveted Star Wars universe or would they rather call the shots themselves? Recruiting talent with distinct styles has been the secret weapon of that other Disney powerhouse, the Marvel Universe. How else could they have escaped the repetitive strain of countless origin stories and stepping-stone sequels? Whether it’s Kenneth Branagh bringing a little thespian class to Thor or James Gunn setting a killer pulse to a relatively unknown property in Guardians of the Galaxy, a varying tone has been crucial in keeping audiences glued to their seats.  

Star Wars is a different kettle of Nerfherders though. It’s a franchise so successful that most of us are unlikely to ever see the end of it. It’s also one that holds so much power and importance with fans, that those in control of its future are clearly quite cagey about steering it into new and uncharted territory. Getting a bad feeling about this situation? That’s because this trend of firing directors who get a little too familiar with the stories Disney have in mind and the universe Lucasfilm has spent decades fleshing out could very well lead to a decline in quality for the many Star Wars sequels and spin-offs currently in development. Especially considering the bad-blood stories that have surfaced months after each creative has been let go. Why would any emerging talent want to gamble their future career on such a high-risk investment?

It’s understandable though, to a degree. Nostalgia is undoubtedly a big part of Star Wars lore and while stepping too far off the beaten track would certainly be a misstep, Disney and Lucasfilm may have to loosen their force choke-hold on the directors they hire if they want to succeed with their ambitious multi-film plans. It could be their only hope.

This blog is now on Nerdly.co.uk. Take a look here!

Who do you think should take over Star Wars Episode IX? Let me know in the comments below!
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    Author: Simon Bland
    t: @SiTweetsToo

    Simon is a freelance entertainment journalist and this is his blog.

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